Thursday, November 19, 2015

Just a little Unwell

I made the first step.  I called our company EAP line.  I get 6 free counseling sessions once i can find a counselor in my area that can take new patients. They are not licensed to prescribe happy pills which is OK. I"m not sure if i am ready to be on Zoloft or any other happy pill just yet.  I used to wake up happy naturally.  I'm hoping it comes back.  If not, i am all about trying something that will help.   So  i'm close but havent got any help yet.
Update on Nanny, the last few days she felt worse and her face looks really bad.  Mostly its still the pain in her arms and hands. They still hurt to touch them and she cant pull up her blanket when she's sitting in her chair.  If it doesnt get better, my uncle is taking her to a neurologist to check for severe nerve damage.  She's in better spirits as of yesterday and one hand hurts a smidgen less than it has.
I still cry everyday.  I havent replayed the scenario over and over like before but it still happens.

Tuesday they tore up my guest bedroom and hallway to fix the hot water pipe that had hole in it.  My head is finally not vibrating from all the jackhammering that went on.  So loud and they shook the whole house.  Now someone has to come and replace the hardwoods and a chunk of drywall they cut out from the wall.  Once they do that, i can move all my stuff back into the bedroom.  I had to empty that room completely and so i have a clothes, dresser, nightstand, and a million other things you can cram into a spare room all spread out in our den, master bedroom and the other guest room.  I cant put up Christmas next weekend until i can get house in order.  Ugh!!!

My brother n law and sister n law are finally getting married this Monday.  I've called her sister-n-law forever so now it will be official.  I am driving to their house in Ft Worth tonight to help with last minute decorations for the ceremony.  That makes me happy to have something joyful to look forward to.

This song says it all for me right now and yall know that Matchbox 20 and Rob Thomas are one of my all time faves ever!

Friends,  Your comments from my last post meant everything to me.  They made me cry but they were tears of gratitude and blessings.  Hey,i'm going to cry anyways so why not over sweet friends.
Believe me when i tell you that your kindness, caring and support really are getting me through my days.  I read them over and over and i wonder how did i get so lucky that God crossed our paths.
Thank you!

Monday, November 16, 2015

Turning my head off

You guys, this post is going to be depressing. Just letting you know now.  I had a horrifying weekend and i cant seem to shake it. My mind plays the worst scene over and over and over and i cant turn my head off. I want to be able to delete scenes from my memory like we can delete bad photos from our phone.  My anxiety and stress are off the charts and Todd is calling our insurance today to looking into someone to talk to.  What happened to me? I used to be so incredibly strong. I could handle death and sadness and hard parts of life like a strong ship.  Now i feel like i am weak. I cry at the drop of a hat and i have very little patience around the house and have been short with Todd.

I drove out to Quitman to spend the day with my 88 year old grandma "Nanny". I try to go see her once a month no matter what.  Its a 2 hour drive door to door one way.  It was a beautiful day and we started off going to our favorite tea room and having breakfast.  Our goal was to find her a new rug for her living room.  Nanny loves going to garage sales and we stopped at 3 of them and bought soem fun stuff for both of us.  We stopped to get something to drink and we were heading to a store that she likes to go to. It was changing names and having a new Grand Opening and she had lots of coupons. We love going there together.   The shopping strip was in an L shape and on the opposite corner of the big store (Bealls now Stage), there was a boutique that we had never been into.  We went in and i bought a new t-shirt.  As we walked out, i said i would run to the car and throw my shirt in and meet her at the other store. I knew that i would be quick and would actually go meet her and walk with her.  There was a lady in the parking lot and as i turned around i saw her gasp and point and i turned i saw Nanny laying flat on her stomach on the concrete sidewalk.  Its this next moment that plays in slow motion over and over. I took off running and yelled to a lady to please call 911.  She had just done that as i was yelling.  Nanny is on blood thinners. This means there is enormous amounts of blood that you cant imagine.  Her nose was bleeding very fast and heavy and her mouth and her cheek was bleeding.  It was pooling in her mouth and under her in puddles. I couldnt tell if the injuries were internal. There was so much blood.  We told her to lay still and let the paramedics move her.  She was not unconscious but she was in shock. She could talk to me but barely.
A young man kept staring and i yelled at him to get me a towel.  Its funny now because he said Yes thats what i was going to do but he was motionless.  I was shaking all over. My mouth was shaking and my hands were shaking. I was doing the silent cry where my body was just shaking violently but not a sound out of my mouth.  Another lady had come to sit on ground with us.  She saw me crying and she put up her hand and said firmly- calm down ! Jesus has this!   (You gotta love small town Texas).  What seemed like forever the ambulance finally showed up.  The call to 911 was painful. They asked what seems like 100 questions. I know they were doing their job but its like they werent listening to us.  They told us to pinch the bridge of her nose to keep it from bleeding. Thats exactly where her glasses tore a chunk off her nose. I shook my head and mouthed to the lady holding the phone- I'm not going to do that!  The lady agreed and we told 911 yep we're doing it.  The paramedics turned her over and helped her sit up. Then they stood her up and belted her onto the stretcher bed. It was when they belted her that i lost it.  The rags and towels laid on the sidewalk soaked in blood.  The 2 ladies grabbed me and they started praying.  I heard some of the prayers but i didnt take my eyes off Nanny for one second.  The ladies were angels and i am so appreciative of them staying with me and praying with me and using their phone to 911.   As the ambulance closed the doors, the one lady said she will continue praying for us and she said i'm so glad she's going to be OK and her voice broke. She was strong for me but i think she was also holding her breath too and was so worried.  I dont know if i thanked her. I hope i did.   I followed the ambulance to the hospital and called Todd.  I was hysterical.  I just had to talk to someone. He offered to come and get me because he was worried about me driving.  I was OK running on adrenaline.
The hospital took Xrays and a Cat scan and they saw nothing broken.  She had bit through her lip in 2 places, tore her nose and her cheek.  Her palms were bruised and she had a tear on top of her hand. They bandaged her up and released her a few hours later. I took her home but she said her arms and hands hurt very very bad.  They hurt to the touch when i reached to hold her hand.  I got her home and called my uncle who lived nearby.  He is Nanny's guardian and protector. She moved out there to be closer to him ( he's the favorite-lol).  She could tell that her dentures on the top were split in half. Sure enough they came out in 2 places. He bought some super glue and had them fixed within an hour.  Enough to hold her until she could get new ones.  I finally left once Uncle James was there. She wouldnt let me spend the night and she wouldnt go home with him. She just wanted to sit in her recliner and rest.
I had nightmares all night and yesterday morning at 6:30 i replayed the image of Nanny laying face down in blood and i sobbed uncontrollably.  I skipped church because my eyes were swollen almost shut and i was still crying.  Then my mom called to tell me that Nanny was in so much pain she called Uncle James and said i need to go back to the hospital.  Yall- she NEVER willingly wants to go to hospital.  Never.  That tells me how uncomfortable she was and in pain.  Uncle James took her to a different hospital into Tyler and they saw some bone chips around her neck. She has a pinched nerve that is causing the pain in arms and hands.   She's home again from hospital.   I should have never left her! I should have said stay right here while i run my shirt to car. She has a bad foot that she has to be very careful of steps, etc.  The sidewalk just went at a sudden slope and she went down.  You could see how it sloped because her foot was still there on the ground.  She was finally feeling so good because she had been sick for a while.  I know i'm going on and on but Nanny is my love. She is our rock and matriarch of the family. She raised me off and on my whole life. I literally mean this when i say i wouldnt be where i am today without her.  I am equally close to her as i am my mom. They both raised me.  Nanny is precious and full of love.  She is now in so much pain and her face is bloody and swollen and it kills me.
To top things off , i have not mentioned on my blog lately because it was too hard. My dad is having problems with his new lungs and has been in and out of the hospital several times.  I cant talk about it right now.  I just cant.   Our hot water heater pipe busted under the house and i'm currently working from home today so i can pack and move what i can out of my office/guest bedroom.  They are going to jackhammer and go through the concrete and hard floors tomorrow.  That alone is giving me great anxiety.  The floors are over 150 degrees in that room and guest bathroom. It burns our feet if we go barefooted.  
So if you are even still here reading this whole post- i am sorry i am the biggest Eeyore Debbie Downer you can imagine.  If you know me than you know thats not me.  I want to be happy. I want to smile and love life and enjoy every precious moment God gave me.  I am blessed but super depressed.
My friends mean the world to me and have been so supportive.  I went to the Chris Cornell concert the weekend of Halloween.  It was amazing!!  He normally doesnt have anyone open up for him on his solo tour but he hand picked this young lady.  She was incredible.  She just came out on stage and belted out her heart acoustically.  I bought the CD and its on replay over and over.  Her real name is Christina or something like that but she sings under name Hemming.   I wanted to share this song with yall. I love it and its what is getting me through my hours and days.

Some of my friends have seen me cry
Some of my friends can tell when I am lying
And some of my friends don't know how hard I have tried
To make my amends to make up for lost time
Some of my friends make fun of my jokes
And some of my friends will spend their whole lives broke
Some of my friends live on the edge of their seats
As soon as they get somewhere they can't wait to leave
Some of my friends taught me how to be strong
And some of my friends don't know how to be alone
Some of my friends I may have just met
But they could turn into people that I never forget
Some of my friends yeah they drink too much
And some of my friends don't know who they want to love
Some of my friends keep on breaking my heart
Because some of my friends don't see how beautiful they are
Yeah and some of my friends are just wasting away
And some of my friends are gonna be famous one day
Some of my friends they’re gonna leave this town
Theyr’e gonna keep on running and never settle down
Some of my friends will never know who I am
Some of my friends were given more than one chance
Some of my friends put me up on a throne
The second I fall they run and leave me alone
Some of my friends will never know what home is
Some of my friends are gonna be married with kids
And some of my friends I'll never see again
But thank God they were there when I needed them.

Please pray for Nanny and for my peace of mind.

Wednesday, November 11, 2015

I'm a loser, Baby!!

Yall!! My head is swimming.  The last 3 weeks have been a whirlwind that i just am trying to get my bearings.  To add to that, i've had a migraine for over a week.  It takes all i have to get through my day at work and i'm training classes so that takes more energy. When i get home i am a vegetable.  I still have my Holliween decorations all over the house and Thanksgiving is in 3 weeks.
Anyway i have so much to catch you up on my weeks and also i've been sucky on replying to your blogs.  Sorry.  I want to blog more and i will someday but my headache needs to go away.  Maybe that will be tomorrow or maybe next week.  I miss yall and i mean it!

                                            Head swimming round and round

Friday, October 30, 2015

Halloween - my favorite day!

Hey y'all! I am a big dork and failed to take any pictures of my own decorations from my party.  I was just so busy decorating until the very end and then had to get ready before he guests came. My inlaws took some and I'm waiting for them to get back from out of town to forward them to me.  I have a very busy weekend ahead!
Tonight we are going to the Freakers Ball concert hosted by a radio station here in Dallas KEGL 97.1.  There are lots of bands playing and it starts at 5.  We will be missing the early bands because I don't get off work until 4:30 and with traffic in Friday rush hour in the rain, let's just say we will be late.  The bands I'm looking forward to are Theory of a Deadman, Pop Evil, The Cult and Marilyn Manson. We are mostly going to see the Cult!!  I love them! 
Tomorrow morning we drop off the dogs for dog camp and then we head to San Antonio. Todd's family is visiting from California and Ohio . We're just staying the one night then coming home Sunday. 
Sunday night we have the Chris Cornell concert.  Can't wait to see that show! It's getting rave reviews as his solo act. He mentioned recently that since he's been doing his solo act this year, he's been able to write more material for the band Sound garden. I hope so! 
Whatcha got planned for this weekend? 
Stay safe and have fun! 
Happy happy Halloween!! 
Oh and I'll be a day late on the battle of the bands because as mentioned, I'll be driving back from San Antonio and won't have my laptop.  

My favorites!!!  I am still a kid when it comes to these specials.  It's almost "Charlie Brown season." Love the Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas movies. :) Remember the TV specials?: Did anyone else watch this last night ? I saw that and the Addams Famili movies. I've watched Hocus Pocus 3 times but still haven't seen Practical magic. Nightmare before Christmas and Beetle Juice this year.  I am behind!
This is the only one of those damn "Keep Calm" things I liked :):

Curated by Suburban Fandom, NYC Tri-State Fan Events:

Yes it can!:

I love this!  Wish I had this as a put out at Halloween!:

I don't care how old I am, when Hocus Pocus is on t.v. you shut your mouth and pay attention! | Halloween Ecard |
Practical Magic - Alice Hoffman (novel):

from Practical Magic by Alice Hoffman....Movie=Awesome/Favorite of all time!!  Book=Disappointment :( Still love the quote tho!!:

what's this ? from Nightmare before Christmas

 midnight margaritas from Practical Magic


Tuesday, October 27, 2015

The Listing Hop October 26

Good morning y'all!! I was reading a few blogs this morning and saw that many of them were participating in the list hop. Bish Denham over at Random Thoughts sponsored this Listing Hop. Stephen T. McCarthy invited folks to specifically list their 25 Favorite Movies.

My list is a compilation of 25 of my favorite movies.  They are ones that I watch over and over.  They are in no specific order at all and they may not actually be very popular movies but I just love them for various reasons.  

1. Raising Arizona
2. Wizard of Oz
3. Lost Boys
Lost boys.jpg
4. Shawshank Redemption
5. Pulp Fiction
6. Green Mile
7. La Bamba
8. Nightmare before Christmas
9. Birdcage
10. Mask
Mask (1985) Poster
11. Knights Tale
12. Top Gun
13. Forrest Gump
14. LadyHawke
15. Breakfast Club
16. Princess Bride 
17. Shining 
18. One flew over the cuckoos nest 
19. Tombstone
 I'm your huckleberry. -  I'm your huckleberry.  Doc Holliday
20. Rocky Horror Picture Show 
21. Dead Poets Society
22. To Kill a Mockingbird
To Kill a Mockingbird Movie Poster
23. Lovely Bones 
24. Legends of the Fall
25. Office Space
Office Space - Special Edition with Flair (Widescreen Edition)

Have a great day yall!!! 

Monday, October 26, 2015

HOLLIween 2015

Well now we have our 4th annual Holliween party under our belts. It was this past Saturday and I was ready!! I've been decorating for a month. Todd said it was my best year for decorations.  I have a theme for decorations and a different theme for costumes.  This years decorating theme was Ravens. I have dozens of Raven decorations everywhere. I also bought quite a few LED signs.  My decorations will be part 2. 
We have chili with all the fixings every year ( Fritos, cheese, sour cream, onions), we had queso and dips and chips and Todd cooked a brisket and chopped it up for BBQ sandwiches. They were heavenly! I made sangria again like last year and it was delicious. We didn't do a beer keg this year instead we bought cases of beer with different types. 
We had lots of fancy cheeses and salamis and crackers. No one went hungry that's for sure! 
The theme for costumes this year was to dress from an era. It's funny because last year was the first year I had a theme for costumes and it was the biggest turnout for people dressing up.  I think if we narrow things down, people like that better. Now you'll always have people go against the grain and dress up that's nothing to do with theme but we don't care. Halloween is supposed to be fun and no pressure. A night to be whatever you want to be.  
Todd and i dressed up from the Greek/ Roman time period.  I bought our costumes and accessories from EBay.   I normally always make my own costume but I just have so much going on I didn't feel bad that I cheated.  
We had about half the people show up this year than last year but we had many that were sick. The bug is going around here in Dallas pretty strong.  We also were having torrential rain storms and flooding and I just don't think people liked getting out in it.  Luckily, it stopped raining that evening and it didn't rain all night.  
We had a total of 27 people and it was a nice group of friends.  I'm so happy for those who came.  I have only the picture that I took and a few that some have sent me.  So here ya go: 

It was so much fun and we announced at the party what next years theme is: MASQUERADE.  I have no idea how to decorate the house but I have a year to figure it out.  
Have a great Monday y'all!! 

Thursday, October 22, 2015

I'm a bona fide junker

So over the years I've posted about attending several various flea markets and junk shows. My dream was to be a vendor at shows and not just a buyer.
I met some amazing Junkers through blogging a few years ago.  I followed their blog then one day I got the courage to email one of them and ask for some blogging advice because I really liked their style.  It was the first year I started blogging (4 years ago).  With that, it started a friendship because they were also local in Dallas.  I attended some junk shows that they were a part of which was so awesome because of my huge love for that stuff.  
I planned on starting my own junk business 2 years ago but with my dad in the hospital and planning a wedding, those plans took a backseat. Of course it didn't stop me from building an inventory in our garage though.  This past summer, I went to a garage sale that was bench held by the same person who hosts a junk show twice a year in DFW.  While I was there, my sweet friend happened to be there too with her husband and it was such a great surprise.  While we were there, she introduced me to the hostess and recommended me for their winter show. 
Fast forward a few weeks after that, I got approved to be in the show and then the race began.  I had to file for tax permit for state of Texas.  That's when it got "real" for me.  My hand shook as I filled out the application. I have to be grown up and file taxes quarterly now for the business. 
I've been painting and sanding every night after work and on weekends.  It's in 2 weeks and I think I'm ready.  I know there's so much that i don't know and I'm so nervous.  Todd is just happy to get rid of the huge ginormous pile of furniture and knick knacks out of the garage. Lol. 
Between getting ready for the show, and this weekends Holliween party, I've been swamped. I don't mind though. I like always staying busy.  
So I created my FB page yesterday so if you happen to be on there, go like my page Junque Dancer. I will start to post pics of items in selling tonight when i get home. I was busy last night and didn't take any pictures.  
I can't wait to tell you all about the show!! I went as a shopper last year to this show and I can't wait to be a vendor now.  

Have a great weekend! I most likely won't post tomorrow because I have the day off to wrap up things for the party.